An Ordinary Life

2011-08-18T00:15:00.002-06:00

Five years ago today, I began this blog.

It was a humble beginning. Yet another ordinary blog among the bazillions already out there, if this blog has achieved anything it has outlasted much of the herd. Indeed, for the first 4 years I managed a blog post almost every single day.

But, the blogosphere is a vast, vast universe and An Ordinary Life, while it may have lived up to it's name has not become extra-ordinary by any stretch of the imagination. A scattered handful of comments emerged (thank you, you know who you are) from a tiny crowd of anonymous readers (I know where you are, but I don't know who you are), but for the most part An Ordinary Life has the loyal following it's very ordinary contents deserves.

And you know what, anonymous reader? I've loved writing it. I still love writing it, and I'm going to carry on doing so whether you care to comment or not!

In fact, I'm going to relaunch An Ordinary Life 2.0.

Listening to: 'Sea Change' - Beck

About A Boy

2011-08-13T12:57:00.003-06:00

Do not hit your mother in the face with a claw hammer.

Never a lender, nor a borrower be.

Everything in moderation, but nothing to excess.

Listening to: 'Easy Tiger' - Ryan Adams

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

2011-07-13T13:13:00.004-06:00

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756-91)
Not enough has yet been written about Mr. Mozart, and so I must add my own thoughts to the existing literature.

Papa Haydn said, "As an honest man, I tell you that [Mozart] is the greatest composer known to me either in person or by name... posterity will not see such a talent again in 100 years."

What is there to say?

Everyone knows that Mozart was a child prodigy. He was the Michael Jackson of his day; pushed into fame, alongside his sister, by his father at the age of 4.

Mozart was a geeky-looking little dweeb who (as Haydn did) married his true love's little sister after his true love dumped him. He was a man who liked to tell poop jokes, who became so utterly successful that his name has literally become synonymous with genius.

And yet, he was mistreated by his employers and barely ever paid, and he in turn mistreated his debtors and they, in turn, were never paid. Mozart was so poor that when he died his body was 'lost' after burial, simply because the family couldn't afford his funeral costs. To this day, no-one knows where he is buried.

Mozart, it is argued, is the greatest musician who has ever lived. A reading of NPR's Guide to Building a Classical CD Collection by Ted Libbey; or The Great Composers by Jeremy Nicholaus demonstrates the highest of pedestals Mozart is placed on. I suppose it is no surprise, if any composer should be worshiped as a avatar of the God of Music, it's going to be Mozart.

Far be it from me to argue otherwise. I will never say that Wolfgang is as overrated as Gone With The Wind. But I will say that when I was composing my greatest hits list for Vivaldi and for Haydn, I had a very difficult time trimming the list down to just 13 entries. I have over 15 hours of Mozart's music and after listening to my whole collection a couple of times recently I have had to work hard to bring Mozart's Greatest Hits up to 13 entries.

Those 13 pieces, though, are quite brilliant:

'III. Turkish Rondo' - Violin Concerto No. 5
'Overture' - The Abduction From The Seraglio
'Ronda Alla Turca' - Piano Sonato No. 11
'Adagio, Allegro' - String Quartet No. 19 (Haydn)
'II. Romance' - Piano Concerto No. 20
'III. Rondo' - Horn Concerto No. 4
'Overture' - The Marriage of Figaro
'I. Allegro' - A Little Night Music
'II. Andante Con Moto' - Symphony No. 39
'I. Allegro Molto' - Symphony No. 40
'II. Kyrie' - Requiem
'Aria of the Queen Of Night' - The Magic Flute
Papageno! Papageno!' - The Magic Flute

And I shall end, with these words from the man himself. It amuses me, that this man who created the most beautiful music the world has ever known (see above), would have been the biggest Kevin Smith or Southpark fan, had he been alive today.

Some 39 letters still exist, that Mozart wrote, by his hand, to his friends and family that contain some of his less well-known poetry. It is so at odds, with his epic legacy that people deny it and ignore it.

Written to his cousin, in 1777, the whole letter uses word play (John Lennon used a similar nonsense word play in In His Own Write):

Deares cozz buzz!

I have received reprieved your highly esteemed writing biting, and I have noted doted thy my uncle garfuncle, my aunt slant, and you too, are all well mell. We, too thank god, are in good fettle kettle ...

You write further, indeed you let it all out, you expose yourself, you let yourself be heard, you give me notice, you declare yourself, you indicate to me, you bring me the news, you announce unto me, you state in broad daylight, you demand, you desire, you wish, you want, you like, you command that I, too, should could send you my Portrait.

Eh bien, I shall mail fail it for sure. Oui, by the love of my skin, I shit on your nose, so it runs down your chin...

- The beautiful words of composer, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Listening to: 'Symphony No. 40' - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

She said she said... CXXXI

2011-06-24T08:11:00.003-06:00

I know now what I can offer you that no-one else can, complete and utter dependence... Marge, I need you more than anyone else on this entire planet could possibly ever need you. I need you to take care of me, to put up with me. But most of all I need you to love me, because I love you.

-Homer Simpson, Secrets of a Successful Marriage, The Simpsons (Season Five)

Listening to: 'Flesh & Blood' - Poison

She Said She Said... CXXX

2011-06-17T05:54:00.001-06:00

To me, all religions are equally nonsensical and the idea that Christians, with their particular invisible friends, virgin births, immaculate conceptions and bread turning into flesh, could have the cheek to mock people like [witches] for being 'superstitious' is appalling humbug.

-Stephen Fry, In America

Listening to: 'Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man' - Various Artists

She Said She Said... CXXIX

2011-06-10T05:30:00.001-06:00

What is it with Americans and cinnamon? The smell is everywhere; they flavour chewing gum with it, they ruin wine and coffee with it, they slather it over chicken and fish... it is all most peculiar.

-Stephen Fry, In America

Listening to: 'The 7th Voyage of Sinbad' - Bernard Herrmann

She Said She Said... CXXVIII

2011-06-03T06:25:00.001-06:00

Like many American institutions [the primaries] makes sense, is very democratic, transparent and open but comes down, fundamentally, to race, religion, media and - most of all - money.

-Stephen Fry, In America

Listening to: 'Rocket Man: Number Ones' - Elton John

Blog-a-Prog... X

2011-05-31T15:37:00.004-06:00

The Top 5 2000AD Covers, between Summer 2009 & Summer 2010:

1. Prog 1664: Judges Dredd & Rico by Carlos Ezquerra: Carlos Ezquerra is one of my very favourite Judge Dredd artists. Prog 1664 pays homage to one of the most memorable panels of 1990's Dredd, with Rico filling Johnny Alpha's boots. I mean seriously, who the hell is going to mess with those guys?

2. Prog 1656: Strontium Dog by Neil Roberts: When Carlos Ezquerra is doing the strip, providing the cover must be very intimidating. Kudos to Neil Roberts for this classic Strontium Dog cover. He evokes Ezquerra effortlessly, and the pose is old-school 2000 AD at its best. Oh, and I love morks, they are as quintessentially Strontium Dog as skimmers and time bombs.

3. Prog 1677: ABC Warriors by Clint Langley: It should be viewed properly in it's full wrap-around glory, but this ABC Warriors cover is fantastic. Langley had been on a run recently of ABC Warrior covers, with individual warriors on each cover. This group shot of the whole gang is the climax to that run. Wrap-around covers, or widescreen art, isn't done often enough and so when you get one as good as this, it is a real treat. Top 5 Ever Wraparound Covers? Hhmm, now there's a thought. Top 5 Ever Wraparound Covers And The Memories They Evoke, in 2000 words or less. That's my sort of Saturday morning!

4. Prog 1650: Tharg by Chris Weston: Tharg covers could be considered a risky prospect from an editor's point of view, because they don't actually promise anything from a strip in the issue. But 2000AD wouldn't be the Galaxy's Greatest Comic if it were not for The Mighty Tharg, and Chris Weston does Tharg justice with this epic cover demonstrating just how much we are all in the palm of Tharg's green hand. I much prefer this vision of Tharg as an omnipotent Thrillomancer than some of the other recent depictions of him as a more aggressive figure.

5. Prog 1690: Judge Dredd by Greg Staples: Staples' depiction of Judge Dredd, sprawled across the Chief Judge's chair reminds me of Conan the King. Perhaps that is Greg Staples penchant for fantasy leaking through, but whatever the case, it works! It's a great image, not just because of it's composition and how well drawn it is - but because of the excited mumbling this image causes in any true-hearted Judge Dredd fanboy.

Listening to: 'The Magic Flute' - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Blog-a-Prog... IX

2011-05-25T15:27:00.002-06:00

...I'll tell you what the lamest cover was.

D'Israeli's black and white artwork on Stickleback is really pretty cool in the strip. It is weird and off-kilter with an unsettling comedic style that suits the story very well. That said, taken out of context and splashed across an entire cover, like Prog 1669, for example - it just doesn't work so well.

Listening to: 'Nebraska' - Bruce Springsteen

She Said She Said... CXXVII

2011-05-24T18:29:00.000-06:00

John Lennon has been my idol all my life but he's dead wrong about revolution... find a representative of gluttony or oppression and blow the motherfucker's head off.

-Kurt Cobain, Journals

Listening to: 'Gish' - Smashing Pumpkins

She Said She Said... CXXVI

2011-05-22T15:26:00.000-06:00

I'm a much happier guy than a lot of people think I am.

-Kurt Cobain (1993)

Listening to: 'Gish' - Smashing Pumpkins

Blog-a-Prog... VIII

2011-05-18T14:32:00.003-06:00

A comic can live or die on the strength of its cover.

Some truly great covers graced the pages of 2000AD between the summers of 2009 and 2010. It is a shame that 2000AD still seems to struggle to gain real estate space in newsagents, because with the quality of these covers they would have been leaping off the racks.

Selecting the Top 5 covers from Prog 1650-1699 was much more difficult than I had anticipated, but a geek-worthy task that only a select few would understand. My wife, for example, was sitting across the desk from me, watching as I sipped my tea and began laying out 50 comics across the desk in front of me. My wife could not help but chuckle as I agonized over the comics, arranging them and rearranging them. Eliminating and cross-checking. She might have chuckled, but I was deadly serious.

Take a look at some of the covers that didn't make the cut, such was the competition.

Judge Dredd is featured on so many covers that a Dredd-cover might struggle to impress, especially to the desensitized long-term geek, but not so with Progs 1653 and 1659. They both convey the character effortlessly.

I'm a real fan of Simon Fraser's art and it was difficult indeed, for me not to sneak him into my Top 5 Covers; especially difficult when you consider his trio of Dante covers (Progs 1651, 1679 & 1685.

I've been a slow convert to Dan Abnett's Kingdom, and yet there is no denying that Prog 1652's 'Born to be Wild' cover is a vintage 2000AD. And, speaking of vintage 2000AD, how about Prog 2010! How does a Cliff Robinson classic as great as this one, not make the Top 5? For that matter, how do covers as dramatic as a zombie-Johnny Alpha on Prog 1689 and the devil himself on Prog 1655 not make the cut?

Clint Langley's wrap-around ABC Warrior art on Progs 1670 & 1674, and his "Make Waste. Not War" Ro-Jaws on Prog 1667 are each as arresting as the last; the eyes glare back at you, defying you not to pick up the Prog and start reading.

But they didn't make the Top 5 either. So what did...

Listening to: 'Permanent Vacation' - Aerosmith

Blog-a-Prog... VII

2011-05-11T14:17:00.002-06:00

The current run of 2000AD began with all-new stories last summer. Prog 1700 was the new jump-on issue and the thrills have been running continuously since then. Prior to Prog 1700, the last jump-on issue was Prog 1650; for the next several posts, I am going to take a look at those 50 issues of The Galaxy's Greatest Comic.

A year of Thrill-Power from Tharg the Mighty, from August 2009 until August 2010. Which were the greatest covers? The most pedestrian? Which stories hit their marks? Which disappointed? What was being discussed on the letters pages?

And the mighty Prog 2010..? We shall have to see.

Listening to: 'Tim' - The Replacements

She Said She Said... CXXV

2011-05-06T18:23:00.001-06:00

Guns N' Roses are a shitty band that makes shitty music.

-Kurt Cobain, (1992)

Listening to: 'Gish' - Smashing Pumpkins

Blog-a-Prog... VI

2011-05-04T14:08:00.003-06:00

This was clearly a bad idea. If anyone had been following along, they might have noticed a glaring lack of blog posts in this thread (or any thread, for that matter). In another time, I might have had the time to pursue such an epic and ambitious task, but not in this time.

I would however, still like to use this thread to talk comics. More precisely, to talk about the Galaxy's Greatest Comic and it's assorted family of Annuals, Specials, graphic novels and The Judge Dredd Megazine.

I'm going to begin by taking a look at 2000AD Prog 1650-1699.

Listening to: 'The Real Thing' - Faith No More

a toast

2011-04-20T04:20:00.007-06:00

anyone know what day it is?

(what time is it?)

)Here's(

(to old friends)

some rules: are there for a reason follow them.

lISTEning to: 'Ram' - Paul McCartney

Joseph Haydn

2011-04-13T13:57:00.008-06:00

Joseph Haydn, Papa Haydn, (1732-1809)

Last year, one lazy summer's eve, while immersing myself in music and drinking tea I clicked a fortunate, yet erroneous click, in the iTunes store. I thought that I was buying a single CD compilation of Joseph Haydn's greatest works. What I in fact bought was a 75 CD collection of his entire works as performed by Antal Dorati and the Hungarian Philharmonic Orchestra. Yes, all 36 hours of the most classically classical music.

Here we are now, it is spring time and I am only slowly beginning to come to terms with this enormous addition to MyTunes. I have dived in with both feet and waded deep into Hadyn's body of work. Joseph Haydn has been in heavy rotation on our MyPods and MyTunes ever since that fateful click in the iTunes Store. I've listened to the entire catalogue at least a couple of times. Particular symphonies and emerging favourites have been heard many more times than that, in some cases more than a dozen times and counting.

I'd be lying if I said that Haydn grabbed me by the ears and refused to let go, as his predecessor Antonio Vivaldi did. Joseph Haydn is no Vivaldi. At least not in my book (it is fair to say, that I probably hold the minority view in this instance). What Haydn is, is the most classically classical of all composers, I think. When the uninitiated think of classical music, beyond Mozart (a friend of Haydn's), they are thinking of Hadyn even they don't know they are.

A novice in the field of classical music appreciation, such as myself, has to educate oneself a little, and train oneself to be able to truly appreciate the subtleties and many levels upon which music as great as Haydn's operates. A failure to do so can result in individual symphonies blending into an amorphous soup of classical muzak after the fourth or fifth day of uninterrupted Joseph Haydn symphonies.

That said, it is worth the time and the effort. Joseph Haydn is not my Second All-Time Greatest Composer, for nothing. If you listen to nothing else, listen to my Top 13 Joseph Haydn tunes listed below and you won't go wrong. In fact, if you leave a comment below I'll even send you a free CD of my Top 13.

Incidentally, the Top 13 is listed in in chronological order, from the oldest to the newest composition.

Joseph Haydn's Top 13

"II. Andante" - Symphony No. 35
"II. Andante con Variazioni" - Symphony No. 75
"I. Vivace" - Symphony No. 77
"IV. Finale (Presto)" - Symphony No. 80
"II. Allegretto" - Symphony No. 82: Paris: The Bear
"IV. Finale (Vivace)" - Symphony No. 83: Paris: The Hen
"III. Minuet (Allegretto)" - Symphony No. 88
"IV. Finale (Allegro Assai)" - Symphony No. 90
"II. Andante" - Symphony No. 94: London: The Surprise
"III. Minuet (Allegro Molto)" - Symphony No. 94: London: The Surprise
"II. Adagio" - Symphony No. 98: London
"II. Allegretto" - Symphony No. 100: London: Military
"IV. Finale (Presto)" - Symphony No. 100: London: Military

So who was Joseph Haydn, and why do we care? Well, he's the guy that taught Beethoven how to play, for starters.

He was also an inspiration to the child Mozart, and once Mozart himself was a rising star the two become close friends. They even performed together a handful of times. They each wrote music, dedicated to the other, and inspired by one another. Mozart wrote, "He alone has the secret of making me smile and touching me at the bottom of my soul. There is no one who can do it all - to joke and terrify, to evoke laughter and profound sentiment - and all equally well: except Joseph Haydn."

(After I have completed my study of Haydn, I will be turning my attention to his pal Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.)

An Austrian man, Joseph Haydn was one of the most prolific composers of the classical age. In his time, he was recognized as being the greatest composer in Europe, living or dead, and was dubbed The Father of the Symphony. He was affectionately called Papa Haydn by his pal Mozart, his students and his orchestra.

Previous to Haydn, the symphony had remained much as Vivaldi had left it: a three piece, fast-slow-fast composition. Haydn developed the four-movement symphony and pushed musical composition into unknown realms, opening up new realms for those who would come after him.

Unlucky in love, Haydn's true love left him to become a nun, and he settled for marrying her sister instead. A woman he described as an "infernal beast" who hated music so much that she used his manuscripts for hair curlers. Haydn entered the height of his fame in the 1760's, when he was in his thirties and, unlike so many celebrities (then and now) maintained his fame and reputation for the rest of his life. He sent his wife away to separate accommodations, and once he became rich and famous, he carried on his many love affairs with discretion. Haydn died in Vienna, aged 77, even as the city was being bombarded by Napoleon's invading army.

What happened next, I find quite fascinating.

Napoleon's army occupied Vienna and the war raged on. Consequently Haydn was hastily buried in Vienna, instead of being returned home to the Hungarian Palace of Eszterhaza where he had lived and worked for Prince Nikolaus II for the bulk of his career. His grave was then robbed and his head hacked from his corpse. The grave-robbing phrenologists believed that a study of the great man's head would lend all sorts of insight into the biological nature of genius and creativity.

These body-snatchers included a former secretary of Haydn's employers, a villain by the name of Joseph Rosenbaum. Haydn had been a friend to Rosenbaum, and indeed was responsible for Rosenbaum being able to marry his wife, and this was how the scumbag apparently thought to honour his former friend.

The thieves studied their decapitated friend's skull, noting the decrepit smell of decomposition firstly, and secondly, that the "bump of music" was indeed "fully developed". They then stored their grisly trophy in a purpose-built wooden box decorated with a lyre, and fitted with a glass window so that they could admire the skull as it rested upon a white cushion.

Imagine the surprise, 11 years later, when Prince Nikolaus II finally got around to keeping his promise and bringing Haydn home to Hungary for the grand burial he deserved. The Prince was outraged and quickly deduced who the thieves were. However when the Prince's men burst into Rosenbaum's house to search for the missing skull, Rosenbaum cunningly hid Haydn's head in bed with his wife, who claimed that she was menstruating - really, could you make this story up?

Given his wife's condition the Prince's men did not find the skull, and Rosenbaum was later able to deliver a different skull (one can only guess who it had previously belonged to) to the enraged Prince. That skull, believed to be Joseph Haydn's was interred with the legendary composer instead.

But the story does not even end there.

Joseph Rosenbaum left Haydn's skull, in his will, to his accomplice Johann Peter. Peter, in turn willed the skull to the Society of the Friends of Music in Vienna, where it would occasionally be paraded out to greet visitors and guests.

In 1932, Prince Paul (son of Prince Nikolaus II), upgraded Haydn's tomb to a grand marble affair with the express purpose of reuniting the skull with the rest of Haydn's remains. The Prince, and many hundreds of others, petitioned for Haydn's head to be returned home, but it was not until 1954 that it finally was returned.

Some 145 years later, Haydn was finally buried altogether again. And the anonymous substitute skull? It was left in the tomb too!

What a wonderfully macabre story.
Listening to: 'Symphony No. 94: London: The Surprise' - Joseph Haydn

She Said She Said... CXXIV

2011-04-08T11:51:00.001-06:00

"In every country and in every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for protection to his own."

- Thomas Jefferson, Letter to Horatio G. Spafford, March 17, 1814

Listening to: 'Milk and Honey' - John Lennon

She Said She Said... CXXIII

2011-04-01T11:47:00.001-06:00

"Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burned, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make half the world fools and half hypocrites; to support roguery and error all over the world..."

- Thomas Jefferson, Note on the State of Virginia, 1787

Listening to: 'Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo's Film Review' - BBC Radio 5 Live

The Night The Sky Fell

2011-03-30T02:25:00.002-06:00

The Night The Sky Fell

1.
Quinvera, the great hero of the First Age, was not always the mighty warrior that you know from the many stories told about her. Yes, she traveled the deserts with the Prophet of Anaru, and yes, it is true that she saved the city of Yhakkoth from devils. Everyone knows that she wrested the mighty airship The Chimera from the tyrannical genie al-Qut and the adventures that she went on to have from the deck of that legendary ship. But before all of that, Quinvera was a young child listening to stories told about past heroes and their escapades before her, much as we are doing here.

Can you see her now, with her uncle? As we look down upon them from our omnipotent vantage point they are sitting in the red sand behind her uncle’s flat-roofed adobe home. Quin’s uncle leans forward and whispers conspiratorially as he begins his tale.

“There were once two shepherds,” he says. “They were far from home, tending to their flock on the night the sky crashed to the earth and set the desert alight.”

2.
Quin had listened to her uncle tell this story many times, but she never failed to gasp at the thought of it. The image in her mind of burning rocks falling from the sky was terrible and incredible.

“The shepherds watched in confusion and awe as a terribly bright star appeared in the west where none should be and grew closer and closer in the night sky. They grew frightened and sacrificed one of their flock to appease their Goddess and when their offering went unheeded they sacrificed another, using its spilled entrails to divine what they could.

“But, their Goddess is a fickle and cruel mistress and their prayers, pleas and auguries all passed unanswered as one could only expect. Not knowing what else to do and with the comet blazing in the sky above them, the shepherds fled. They abandoned their flock to fend for itself and made for the city-state of Yhakkoth in the north. If their Goddess would not answer them, they would place their hope in the City-Gods of Yhakkoth to protect them from harm.

“As you know, Quin, our Gods and live among us and may be petitioned in times of need. Our Gods do not abandon us, but protect and care for us, unlike the Goddess who offers no succor in times of need or plenty.”

Quin nodded quickly and fidgeted in the sand where she sat cross-legged in front of her uncle. They were in their favourite spot in Uncle Kahaal’s yard, he sat on his bench in the shade of the huge cactus and she on the ground. It would not do to ask the wrong question here, her uncle held no love for the ways of the Old Faith and could easily become derailed from the story and lose himself listing the crimes and wrong-headed beliefs of those who still followed the old ways.

“With the falling star now as large as the sun above them, fat and low in the sky, the frightened shepherds braved the dangers of the unforgiving desert. They had no time for preparation and the trackless desert between here and the north is dangerous place for the unwary. Can you imagine their journey, young Quin?

Quin’s eyes widened at the horror of the thought and she shook her head wildly, as she always did at this part of the story.

“This is why you must always stay close to home Quin. We are safe here at the oasis. But beyond the berm?” Uncle Kahaal’s voice trailed off theatrically and he scratched the shaggy white fur covering his chest.

“Many an unwary pilgrim has vanished beneath the very sands to drown in a hidden sand trap. Others have choked and poisoned themselves in an agonizing death simply because they cannot tell one cactus from another. The shepherds knew a thing or two about these dangers, but they faced them still and they were sorely tested. They were attacked by scorpions as large as you are child, scuttling across the dunes with venom dripping from stingers sharper than any spear.

“The shepherds, in the growing shadow of that awful falling rock, faced all of these dangers and more as they raced northward across the desert. They could see now a much smaller, sickly green star that seemed to have broken off from the massive comet. Eventually, thirsty and exhausted and terrified, under the shadow of circling vultures and the yellow and green fireballs in the sky the shepherds reached a mysterious tower at the edge of the desert.

“And, once there, they ran out of time.”

Quin shuffled closer to her uncle and grabbed his gnarled hand, heavily tattooed with the runes of his magic. This was her favourite part of the story, but it was also the part that haunted her dreams at night.

“The smaller star exploded in the sky above them. Deafening thunder pealed across the desert shattering the ears of the poor shepherds. The comet was impossibly huge now and a beautiful vibrant green. It is said that it flashed with lightening, scintillating red and white and yellow,. It is said that it was so beautiful and bright that it pained the eyes to see.

“With wyverns darkening the skies above them, as even they fled in terror, the two shepherds sought shelter in the tower on a night that was as bright as the day. They did not know this, although it became apparent once they entered, but the tower was the home of a witch. A witch-bitch of the Goddess whose enchanted cauldron animated and attacked the shepherds thinking that they had arrived to rob the witch’s home in her absence.”

“Where was the witch, Uncle?”

“None know for sure, child. None can say.” Uncle Kahaal said. “But she likely had fled in fear herself, to seek her own refuge from the comet’s promised destruction.”

“The cauldron flew about the tower, given life by the engraved runes upon its copper edges, bashing and battering the poor shepherds until they were bruised and bloody. Can you imagine it little Quin? How the shepherds must have fought for their very lives in the dim shadows of that evil place, while outside booms and explosions louder than the loudest thunder you have ever heard or could ever imagine burst across the sky! That dirty copper cauldron, wide enough and deep enough to cook a child of your size, certainly (and who can say it hadn’t been put to such a use, not I), engraved with wicked runes among a relief of capering fiends and leering icons of the Goddess. It very nearly killed them both and it was all they could do, in the end, to shatter the angry cookware with profane objects they found littering the witch’s home.”

“And that was how two lowly shepherds, the devout Balashi and the stubborn Ashasunnu were the only living witnesses to The Night The Sky Fell. Exhausted by the desert, bloody and beaten by the cauldron, thirsty and half starved from their ordeal they bore witness to a terrible, terrible event. The witch’s tower was in the foothills on the edge of the mountains. It’s vantage was such that they were able to behold the falling comet as it struck the desert in a massive explosion that utterly destroyed a desert village and vaporized all of its inhabitants. Only two lonely and frightened shepherds watched in terror as a fountain of rock, earth and sand mushroomed against the horizon and the air itself burned in a massive expanding heatwave. The rock that had fallen out of the night sky exploded with such fury that it scorched the surrounding deserts into a burnt desolation that became even more dangerous than ever before.

“None know whatever became of Balashi, but Ashasunnu returned to rebuild a new home among the ashes of her burned family. In time the crater left by the comet was filled by a fresh spring and the village of Muan’s Oasis was reborn; and here we live to this day, you and I, dear niece. That was over two hundred years ago, and the brave Ashasunnu, who witnessed the sky fall, was your very own great, great, great, great, great, great, grandmother.”

Listening to: 'The Secrets' - Michael A. Stackpole

Imagine: God Knows... V

2011-03-29T00:46:00.003-06:00

An Amazon review of God Knows:

GOD KNOWS THIS BOOK HELPED MY FAITH!
I love this book because it's just the antithesis of a stuffy theological essay. It's really engaging; a genuine, (sometimes irreverent & humorous) conversation & one which I kept wanting to jump right into!

It would perhaps have been useful to have a copy of the article which sparked the discussion but as all the questions in the original article are outlined, it wasn't hard to get up to speed.

There was a point when one of the authors explained the sacrifice of Jesus in the most simple & beautiful, poignant & relatable way I had ever come across. Despite an intensely religious upbringing (Christian)I had never understood this in such a tangible & personal way. For that alone, God Knows is well worth reading. I think reading this & The Shack have been the two best things that have ever happened to my faith.

- Honor Marie

Listening to: 'The Secrets' - Michael A. Stackpole

She Said She Said... CXXII

2011-03-25T04:52:00.001-06:00

I can assure you of this. If I find a friendlier, more welcoming and kinder set of people in all America than Mainers I will send you film of me eating my hat.

-Stephen Fry, In America

Listening to: 'Discovery' - Electric Light Orchestra

She Said She Said... CXXI

2011-03-18T05:45:00.001-06:00

If you were to hear a Briton say 'Tch! Only in Britain, eh?' it would probably refer to something that was either predictable, miserable, oppressive, dull, bureaucratic, queuey, damp, spoil-sporty or incompetent - or a mixture of all of those. 'Only in America!' on the other hand, always refers to something shocking, amazing, eccentric, wild, weird or unpredictable. Americans are constantly being surprised by their own country. Britons are constantly having their worst fears confirmed about theirs. This seems to be one of the major differences between us.

-Stephen Fry, In America

Listening to: 'Antichrist Superstar' - Marilyn Manson

She Said She Said... CXX

2011-03-11T05:39:00.001-07:00

Yes, Americans are terrible drivers (endlessly weaving between lanes while on the phone, bullying their way through as if they drive a big vehicle, no waves of thanks or acknowledgement, no letting other cars into traffic), yes, they have no idea what cheese or bread can be and yes, strip malls, TV commercials and talk radio are gratingly dreadful. But weighing the good, the kind, the original, the enchanting, the breathtaking, the hilarious and the lovable against the bad, the cruel, the banal, the ugly, the crass, the silly and the monstrous, I see the scales coming down towards the good every time.

-Stephen Fry, In America

Listening to: 'The Bad Seed' - The Birthday Party

She Said She Said... CXIX

2011-03-04T05:32:00.001-07:00

I have often felt a hot flare of shame inside me when I listen to my fellow Britons casually jeering at the perceived depth of American ignorance, American crassness, American isolationism, American materialism, American lack of irony and American vulgarity. Aside from the sheer rudeness of such open and unapologetic mockery, it seems to me to reveal very little about America and a great deal about the rather feeble need of some Britons to feel superior.

-Stephen Fry, In America

Listening to: 'Mutiny' - The Birthday Party

She Said She Said... CXVIII

2011-02-25T10:55:00.001-07:00

"I don't believe writers can be made, either by circumstances or by self-will... the equipment comes with the original package. Yet it is by no means unusual equipment. I believe large numbers of people have at least some talent as writers and storytellers, and that these talents can be strengthened and sharpened."

- Stephen King, On Writing, 2000

Listening to: 'Out of the Blue' - Electric Light Orchestra

She Said She Said... CXVII

2011-02-18T12:52:00.001-07:00

"[My memory]... is a fogged-out landscape from which occasional memories appear like isolated trees..."

- Stephen King, On Writing, 2000

Listening to: 'Secret Messages' - Electric Light Orchestra

She Said She Said... CXVI

2011-02-11T04:12:00.001-07:00

[On Writing] is a short book because most books about writing are filled with bullshit. Fiction writers, present company included, don't understand very much about what they do - not why it works when it's good, not why it doesn't when it's bad. I figured the shorter the book, the less the bullshit.

- Stephen King, On Writing, 2000

Listening to: 'Memory Almost Full' - Paul McCartney

She Said She Said... CXV

2011-02-04T05:03:00.001-07:00

Time is not a river, as Einstein theorized - it's a big fucking buffalo herd that runs us down and eventually mashes us into the ground, dead and bleeding, with a hearing aid plugged into one ear and a colostomy bag instead of a .44 clapped on one leg.

-Stephen King, Danse Macabre, 1981

Listening to: 'Bloody Tourists' - 10cc

She Said She Said... CXIV

2011-01-28T16:17:00.001-07:00

I think a curse should rest on me — because I love this war. I know it's smashing and shattering the lives of thousands every moment — and yet — I can't help it — I enjoy every second of it.

-Winston Churchill, A letter to a friend (1916)

Listening to: 'Mama Said' - Lenny Kravitz

She Said She Said... CXIII

2011-01-21T16:35:00.001-07:00

Let us learn our lessons. ... Never believe any war will be smooth and easy or that anyone who embarks on that strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events… incompetent or arrogant commanders, untrustworthy allies, hostile neutrals, malignant fortune, ugly surprise, awful miscalculations.

... Always remember, however sure you are that you could easily win, that there would not be a war if the other man did not think he also had a chance.

-Winston Churchill, This Time It's Our War (2003) by Leonard Fein in The Forward (July 25, 2003)

Listening to: 'De Stijl' - The White Stripes

Blog-a-Prog... V

2011-01-19T16:22:00.002-07:00

Prog 2000: Part Three - First Episodes

In addition to it's features, and complete tales, Prog 2000 has two first episodes that will continue in the weekly.

Strontium Dog: The Kreeler Conspiracy (by John Wagner & Carlos Ezquerra):10/10: The Kreeler Conspiracy is breath-taking. This is an almighty first episode and a very fine relaunch for Johnny Alpha.

I have long been a fan of the Strontium Dog, and, unlike many, I believe The Final Solution to be not only Strontium Dog's greatest moment, but one 2000AD's most memorable strips of all time. I am aware that is high praise indeed, and at the risk of continued hyperbole, I think The Kreeler Conspiracy is, possibly, even better than The Final Solution.

I will review the strip in full in a later post, but suffice it to say that Wagner and Ezquerra deliver a page-turner that actually quickens the pulse. Has Alpha ever been better? I'm not sure. This is a strip that I feel evangelical about, and one that I plan to buy in all it's graphic novel glory and share with anyone who I can convince to read it. This strip literally made me feel like I was 15 again. Words cannot do it justice.

Glimmer Rats (by Gordon Rennie & Mark Harrison): 8/10: Glimmer Rats is a dystopic future war story, and therefore, as with all such Platoon-in-space offerings I must hold it up against the greatest of the genre: Bad Company.

A little unfair, perhaps, because nothing has yet beaten the first run of Bad Company and Glimmer Rats doesn't either. But it is good. Gordon Rennie delivers a suitably grim and violent story without a shred of hope for the doomed squads of space-troopers, and only the barest sliver of redemption. Mark Harrison's art is as gorgeous as ever.

So, does Prog 2000 live up to it's claim? Is it the biggest and the best Prog ever? Well, clearly it is the biggest. The best? It is better than any 2000AD, Judge Dredd or Rogue Trooper Annual that came before it, without a doubt. The 100-page end-of-the-year-Prog was an evolutionary leap forward for 2000AD and for that reason alone it's boast is a worthy one.

The greatest prog ever? It just might be...

Final Score: 8.2

Listening to: 'Appetite For Destruction' - Guns 'n' Roses

Dragons in the basement... LXII

2011-01-17T01:20:00.001-07:00

Vengeful angels present at the destruction of an Old Faith stone henge have contracted a strange wasting disease that defies angelic curative magic and is highly contagious but nonfatal. The angels are at first quarantined in a remote part of Heaven but are later exiled to the World of Llowellen when it is discovered that their presence corrupts Heaven's flora and natural mana. Mortals remain completely unaffected but act as carriers.

Major forces in Heaven are debating whether to destroy the angels, keep them isolated for eternity, or send them on a suicidal foray into Hell. The Fallen angels make contact with the afflicted angels and admit that the plague is also making its way through Hell.

Who is behind the disease? What is the cure? Will Shoshanna need to intervene? Is Shoshanna susceptible? Can Heaven and Hell work together to eliminate a common threat?

-The World of Llowellen (The Old World): A Player's Guide, by Ian Hewitt (pg 9)

Listening to: 'Band on the Run' - Wings

She Said She Said... CXI

2011-01-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

"The American people can always be counted upon to do exactly the right thing after they have exhausted all other options."

- Winston Churchill

Listening to: 'Out of the Blue' - Electric Light Orchestra

She Said She Said... CXII

2011-01-14T06:42:00.001-07:00

We fall from womb to tomb, from one blackness and toward another, remembering little of the one and knowing nothing of the other...

-Stephen King, Danse Macabre, (1980)

Listening to: 'Never Let Me Down' - David Bowie

Antonio Vivaldi

2011-01-13T05:56:00.002-07:00

Antonio Vivaldi, The Red Priest (1678-1741)

Antonio Vivaldi is the original geek; a classical nerd, Vivaldi was a skinny little Italian man with red hair and asthma. He also happens to be one of my very favourite composers, my absolute favourite violinist and the first of the Greats that I ever really paid any attention to.

Vivaldi was a better composer and musician than he was ever a priest. He ministered at an Italian church for orphaned girls but frequent asthma attacks during Mass led to him being excused which conveniently allowed him uninterrupted time to work on his compositions. Luckily these asthma attacks somehow never occurred when Vivaldi was on stage performing - he never got out of breath when playing the flute for example, and if you listen to his any of his flute concertas, Opera 10, No. 3 is an incredible one, it's nothing short of miraculous! Perhaps the Almighty Himself was a fan? Johann Bach certainly was (he covered at least ten of Vivaldi's operas and frequently performed them), as were Joseph Haydn and Amadeus Mozart.

Vivaldi would eventually be fired from the priesthood, when during the height of his fame he toured with his leading lady and her sister, the beautiful Giro sisters and he was romantically linked with both of them - possibly at the same time, very rock and roll for 1718, but perhaps a little too much so. Tony denied everything, but he was not welcomed back into the pulpit and was officially kicked out of the church. Their loss.

Two decades of widespread fame and touring, playing for Popes, Emperors, Kings and Queens all ended, as it so often does for rock stars even today, in tears. The 1730's had not been a successful time for Vivaldi, his work was becoming less popular and inspired, and when his royal benefactor died he began to slip quickly into debt. The nobles were preparing for the Austrian War of Succession which was clearly on the horizon and they had less use for a pet composer whose better work was already behind him. Vivaldi died in Vienna (the same city where Mozart would die exactly fifty years after him), a sad and broke 63-year old man.

A prolific composer, The Red Priest wrote 46 operas, 344 solo instrumental pieces, 81 concertos, 61 symphonies (a symphony being the introduction to, or interlude, of an opera - well, I didn't know) and numerous other instrumental and vocal pieces.

In MyTunes I have several renditions of Vivaldi's The Four Seasons (Nigel Kennedy's performance is the definitive version without a shadow of a doubt, and the piece that introduced to Vivaldi's work in the first place) La Tempesta Di Mare, Il Cimento Dell' Armonia E Dell' Invenzione and Harmonic Inspiration. I also have the untitled compositions, with the rather unattractive catalogue numbers of RV93, RV163, RV171, RV401, RV443, RV447, RV502, RV537 and RV551... not a complete collection by any means, but it is the most frequently played of all the classical music in our collection.

Why is The Red Priest so important today? He didn't invent the concerto but he did develop it. The concerto, which translates as contest or fight, is an arrangement where a solo musician performs against a collection of three (or many more) musicians. Vivaldi developed the concerto into a three-act piece with a fast opener, a slow second act allowing you to catch your breath, and then a fast finale. This soon became, and remains today, the standard.

I would argue that Vivaldi invented the concept album when he composed The Four Seasons. Prior to The Four Seasons music was simply music for music's sake, it was Vivaldi who took an abstract concept - the passing of a year - and attempted to interpret it, define it and describe it through music.

Vivaldi was the first performer of any renown to make the violin a solo instrument, before The Red Priest took up the strings the violin belonged buried in an orchestra as one of many instruments. Vivaldi not only brought the violin to the fore but he became the forefather of the modern virtuoso - I imagine him hammering away at his violin not so differently to Slash, 260 years later, in his top hat licking a modern guitar solo for all it was worth.

Vivaldi remains important enough today that Google honoured his 332 birthday this year with a google doodle. Oh, and Vivaldi has a new single coming out, which I'd flippin' love to see performed when it makes it's modern day debut in Scotland later this year.

The Red Priest's Greatest Hits (in no particular order)
(if you leave a comment below, I will happily be in touch and send you a free CD of The Red Priest's Greatest Hits)

'Opus 3. Concerta No. 8: III. Allegro' - Harmonic Inspiration
'III. Allegro' - RV551
'I. Allegro' - RV 537
'III. Allegro' - RV 537
'I. Allegro' - RV 401
'III. Allegro' - RV 502
'Spring: I. Allegro' - The Four Seasons
'Spring: III. Allegro' - The Four Seasons
'Summer: III. Presto' - The Four Seasons
'Autumn: I. Allegro' - The Four Seasons
'Autumn: III. Allegro' - The Four Seasons
'Winter: I. Allegro' - The Four Seasons
'Winter: III. Allegro - The Four Seasons

Next, I will mostly be listening to one of Vivaldi's greatest fans - Joseph Haydn.

Listening to: 'The Four Seasons' - Antonio Vivaldi

Blog-a-Prog... IV

2011-01-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Prog 2000: Part Two - One & done

Judge Dredd: Future Crimes (by John Wagner & Mike McMahon): 6/10: I just don't get McMahon's art. I just don't get how it's considered good. But Wagner doesn't let it put him off and he delivers a classic Dredd script that is a neat sci-fi tale, funny as well as satirical; and Dredd's a real bastard as he should be.

Rogue Trooper: Remembrance Day (by John Tomlinson & Dave Gibbons): 8/10: Yet another valiant effort to rescue a once-great flagging character. At least Rogue didn't have to suffer in this great little strip, as he so often has, in the past!

ABC Warriors: Road Kill (by Pat Mills & Kevin Walker): 9/10: If they didn't do it so flippin' well, you might accuse Mills and Walker of flogging a dead horse with this strip, they don't don't give us anything that we haven't seen before but it's fantastic! It's everything you want from the Warriors: anarchic, comedic, black and white art providing the prologue to a future story arc. Spread the Word!

Nikolai Dante: Love & War (by Robbie Morrison & Simon Fraser): 10/10: The relative newcomer, Nikolai Dante, is a contender for the best strip in the Prog. This is certainly the greatest complete strip of Prog 2000. Dante can sometimes intimidate a new reader with it's complicated plots and tangled cast of characters, but not here. This complete story is heartfelt, heartbreaking and poignant and serves as a wonderful introduction to the strip.

Slaine: Beyond (by Pat Mills & Gleg Staples): 9/10: Greg Staples demonstrates why he is the greatest post-Bisley artist ever to illustrate Slaine in this wonderfully classic prologue to a future story arc.

Sinister Dexter: Exit Wounds (by Dan Abnett & Simon Davis): 4/10: I'm not a fan of Simon Davis' artwork, Sinister looks like a green guy (maybe to show us how Irish he is..?) and Dexter looks like a black guy. The weakest link, unfortunately, comes from the hit-and-miss hitmen.

Nemesis: The Final Conflict (by Pat Mills & Kevin O'Neill): 9/10: After twenty years, multiple books and countless stories and a couple of spin-offs, Nemesis and Torquemada's violent tale, begun in Prog 167, is brought to an end in just six pages. I wonder if some will cry anti-climax? Possibly, but I found it very satisfying, anymore would have threatened to become an Itchy & Scratchy parody. Kevin O'Neill was the only artist that could bring us full circle with his beautifully classic, tormented visions of Termite and The Final Conflict.

Judge Dredd: Old Pal's Act (by Alan Grant & Cam Kennedy): 7/10: Judge Dredd provides the bookends, opening and closing Prog 2000. In this case, Alan Grant pokes fun at John Wagner in this light-hearted, Easter-egg laden, fourth-wall shattering story... and, perhaps with more than a little help from Cam Kennedy manages to have the last laugh, at least for now...

Part Three: First episode's

Listening to: 'The Levellers' - The Levellers

Jackanory... XXXVI

2011-01-10T00:08:00.002-07:00

It turns out becoming a father and moving across the Atlantic takes up a great deal of your time and energy, who knew? Consequently I haven't read as much as usual, but I've tried to be efficient with my reading time. I haven't even attempted to pick up and read any new novels, instead I have been concentrating on short fiction. In my library I have a great deal of anthologies, and I have been sampling from them all.

Yesterday I read a Ravenloft short story (it wasn't that good) about werewolves and red widows; two days ago I read a very short Richard Matheson tale about a man making funeral arrangements for his wife (strangely amusing). Today, something from Anderson's Fairy Tales.

I am enjoying the variety and ease of picking up a story and putting it down in one sitting. But the longer form novel is calling out to me, recommendations from family and friends have been accumulating beside my promises to read them all. Perhaps in the spring...

I have managed to complete a few graphic novels though:

Greysuit: Project Monarch (by Pat Mills & John Higgins)
Kick-Ass (by Mark Millar & John Romita, Jr.)
Judge Dredd: Judgement on Gotham (by Wagner, Grant & Bisley)
2000AD: Prog 2011
The Crow (by J. O'Barr)
2000AD: Prog 2000

All of them were very good. The Crow, spectacularly so. I cannot remember the last time a graphic novel reduced me to floods of tears and so thoroughly unnerved me to the core. The Crow has real grief spilled across every page and is a work of tortured art.

Kick-Ass was as good as I had expected it would be and had me laughing - and wincing - out loud at the ridiculous level of shameless violence. I was never the biggest fan of Mark Millar's 2000AD work, funnily enough because it seemed to be all violence and little substance (eg. Big Dave, Maniac 5, Babe Race 2000) but he does seem to have perfected his style to the nth degree.

Of the others, Greysuit surprised me the most. I missed this when it first appeared in 2000AD. I won the book for writing the Letter of the Week (2000AD: Prog 2011), so I wasn't quite sure what I was getting. What I found was a modern retelling of the Six Million Dollar Man (or MACH One, for the Squaxx Dek Thargo out there) that sits well with the themes of violence and vengeance that seems to run through much of what I've been reading lately.

Perhaps I should find something a little lighter to read soon...

Listening to: 'Symphony No. 78' - Joseph Haydn

Jackanory... XXXV

2011-01-09T00:47:00.000-07:00

George R. R. Martin

Novels
Dying of the Light
Windhaven
Fevre Dream
The Armageddon Rag
Dead Man's Hand
Shadow's Twin
Hunter's Run

A Song of Ice & Fire
A Game of Thrones
A Clash of Kings
A Storm of Swords
A Feast for Crows
A Dance With Dragons
The Winds of Winter
A Dream of Spring

Anthologies
A Song for Lya and Other Stories
Songs of Stars and Shadows
Sandkings
Songs the Dead Men Sing
Nightflyers
Tuf Voyaging
Portraits of His Children
Quartet
Dreamsongs
Starlady/Fast- Friend

Listening to: 'Breakfast: Your Call' - BBC Radio 5 Live

Jackanory... XXXVI

2011-01-08T01:09:00.000-07:00

Terry Pratchett

The Carpet People (1971)
The Dark Side of the Sun (1976)
Strata (1981)
Truckers (1988)
Diggers (1990)
Wings (1990)
Good Omens (1990)
Only You Can Save Mankind (1992)
Johnny and the Dead (1993)
Johnny and the Bomb (1996)
Nation (2008)

Discworld Novels

The Colour of Magic
The Light Fantastic
Equal Rites
Mort
Sourcery
Wyrd Sisters
Pyramids
Guards! Guards!
Eric
Moving Pictures
Reaper Man
Witches Abroad
Small Gods
Lords and Ladies
Men At Arms
Soul Music
Interesting Times
Maskerade
Feet of Clay
Hogfather
Jingo
The Last Continent
Carpe Jugulum
The Fifth Elephant
The Truth
Thief of Time
The Last Hero
The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents
Night Watch
The Wee Free Men
Monstrous Regiment
A Hat Full of Sky
Going Postal
Thud!
Wintersmith
Making Money
Unseen Academicals
I Shall Wear Midnight

Discworld Short Stories

Turntables of the Night
Troll Bridge
Theatre of Cruelty
The Sea and Little Fishes
Death And What Comes Next
A Collegiate Casting-Out of Devilish Devices
Once More With Footnotes

The Mappes

The Streets of Ankh-Morpork
The Discworld Mapp
A Tourist Guide to Lancre
Death's Domain

The Science of Discworld

The Science of Discworld
The Science of Discworld II: The Globe
The Science of Discworld III: Darwin's Watch

Blog-a-Prog... III

2011-01-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

Prog 2000: Part One - Cover & Features:

In the old days Tharg gave us a 2000AD Annual for the holidays, now, and for the past decade he has given us a far superior mega 100-page bumper Prog. I can remember begging for my 2000AD and Judge Dredd Annuals each year, I could be found curled up and lost in their pages for much of Christmas Day year after year.

In hindsight though, and despite many gems sparkling amidst the roughage (in particular the Judge Dredd-Johnny Alpha scrap of 1991), they were an inferior offering to the weekly Prog. The Annuals forced the creators to knock together additional content above and beyond their usual schedules and it often showed. The symptoms included poor features and dodgy quizzes, badly written text stories that required no sequential art, and, of course, reprints.

Since the titular Prog 2000, 2000AD has taken the month of December off as a weekly title and instead delivered 100-pages designed to showcase the magazine to newcomers and to reward old-timers with an awesome holiday gift.

Cover by Brian Bolland 8/10: At the risk of crying "Bah, humbug!" I can't help thinking that my dream artist for Prog 2000 would have been Carlos Ezquerra. It is impossible to argue against Brian Bolland, so I realize that I am on shaky ground, but Carlos was there at the beginning and is the definitive Judge Dredd and Strontium Dog artist (who are themselves, the definitive 2000AD characters).

Bolland's work, however, based on the famous photograph of the US Marine's flag raising on Iwo Jima was truly inspired for this monumental Prog. The mountain of comics upon which the flag is being raised, are all actual covers of British comics that have fallen by the wayside. A truly genius idea, but something about the actual figures prevents me from giving it a higher accolade.

Input/Output: 10/10: Prog 2000 brings us new art from the original artists to remind us of past classics that are not able to be with us in this monumental Prog including two of my favourite stories of all time: Zenith and Bad Company.

Tharg's output was a thank you to creators and readers, a somewhat rare, but deservedly humble and heartfelt love-in from the Mighty One. The letters (which really should have come with a spoiler warning) were unusually well-thought out and less kooky than is typical. I prefer an intelligent forum to a goofy one. When challenged on this issue, as he is from time to time, Tharg defends himself by saying that he can only print the letters that he receives. Fair enough, but then why, in this, of all Progs does the goofiest letter win the Star Letter award?

Tharg's Death Match feature was ace! A complete nerdgasm detailing fights to the death between 2000AD's stable of characters that is absolutely guaranteed to infuriate any hard-core fan with it's results. Judge Dredd is killed by Joe Pineapples, but Johnny Alpha isn't? Come on, really?

Grud, even the adverts in Prog 2000 are great. The Re-Action figures are so much cooler than today's Heroclix miniatures. I just wish I could find them somewhere, the company seems to be defunct and the second-hand market for 2000AD Re-Action figures non-existant. Shame.

Next week: Part Two - One & Done

Listening to: 'Rum, Sodomy & The Lash' - The Pogues

She Said She Said... CX

2010-12-31T17:43:00.000-07:00

Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.

-Terry Pratchett

Listening to: 'The News from Lake Wobegon' - NPR

Blog-a-Prog... II

2010-12-29T14:19:00.001-07:00

No review would be complete without a rating, right? And I wouldn't be me, if I didn't complicate matters unnecessarily, so, here's what I think I'll do.

Each story and the cover will receive a score out of 10. An extra score out of 10 will be given for the Output/Input and for any extra features that the Prog contains. These can then be tallied up and averaged to give a final score for the Prog under review.

Marks out of 10:

1/10: A story that gets 1 out of 10 is simply as terrible as you can imagine, the worst of the dire. Things cannot get more pitiful than this... you know, like Road Kill (2000AD: 1208-11).
2/10: Only truly terrible, heartbreaking strips that hurt the eyes and dull the mind will earn a score of 2 out of 10, Chronos Carnival (2000AD 676-81) comes to mind.
3/10: Awful, uninspired rubbish, like the aptly named Junker, will earn a 3 out of 10 (2000AD 708-16 & 724-30).
4/10: 4 out of 10 is just crap, unfortunately Slaine: The Secret Commonwealth is a good example(2000AD 1183-99).
5/10: Bad, but with redeeming features. Perhaps the story is rubbish, but the artwork is great, or vice versa. Strontium Dogs: Monsters (2000AD 750-61) is a good example.
6/10: Bad, but in a fun way, or with some good ideas behind it. Trashy, forgettable, and yet enjoyable fare like Glimmer Rats (Prog 2000 & 2000AD 1174-82).
7/10: This is the average, good, solid, and by the numbers. A story that does what it says on the tin, like the classic Judge Dredd: Emerald Isle (2000 AD 727-732).
8/10: Great art, great story. Perhaps not ground breaking, maybe even cliche, but done with a memorable gusto and panache, like Judge Dredd: Judgement Day (2000AD 786-799 & Judge Dredd Megazine. Vol. 2: 4-9).
9/10: Awesome, brilliant, fantastic, an old story going in new directions, exceeding expectations and raising the bar, like Slaine: Treasures of Britain (2000AD 1001-10 & 1024-31).
10/10: The coveted Perfect score. I have a growing list of Perfect Graphic Novels at the bottom of this page all of which are 10 out of 10's. Comic literature at the top of it's game, you know, like Strontium Dog: The Kreeler Conspiracy (Prog 2000 & 2000 AD ).

Listening to: 'If You're Feeling Sinister' - Belle & Sebastian

Dragons in the basement... LXI

2010-12-27T11:30:00.003-07:00

All animals have a spirit. The savage and noble totem warrior understands this better than any (save, perhaps, for the greenbond) and is able to channel the spirit of his chosen spirit guide. Often chosen as a young child, it is not altogether clear whether the warrior chooses which animal will be her guide, or whether the spirit animal selects the warrior. Regardless, the bond is one that will last for a lifetime, deepening and strengthening with maturity and introspection.

The animalistic totem warrior can be found in any of the many wild and untamed regions of the Old World. In the mountains of Cilgarren the dwarven totem warriors worship the bear, channeling his strength and raw power. In the Feyen Isles the faen totem warrior communes with the wolf taking on it's guile. In the deserts of Farid, the sibbecai have always been at one with the vulture. Out on the oceans of the world, the Kalanese totem warrior grins like the deadly sharks they worship and can bite just as hard.

But nowhere is the totem warrior more respected and feared than on the continent of Cilgarren. These warriors do more than wear the skin and hides of their totems, they grow feathers or scales; their fingers become claws or their mouths beaks. It is said that the halfling totem warrior, who might dedicate herself to the eagle or the snake, can shift her form, actually becoming the animal. The bold Cilgarren totem warrior can call eagles from the sky or snakes from the ground to do her bidding and none match them on the endless prairies where they hunt and make their homes.

-Tribal Secrets: Animals in Spirit, by Kheris Lomawaima

-The World of Llowellen (The Old World): A Player's Guide, by Ian Hewitt (pg 14)

Listening to: 'RV 401' - Antonio Vivaldi

Film '10

2010-12-26T01:16:00.002-07:00

The latest films that I have watched:

Kick Ass
Zombieland
The Simpsons
Watchmen
Inception
The Hangover
The Shawshank Redemption
Knocked Up
The Mist
Zack & Miri Make A Porno
Step-Brothers
Dungeons & Dragons II: Wrath of the Dragon
The Ringer
District 9
Burn After Reading
A Hard Day's Night
The Special Relationship
Blow
Diary of the Dead
(500) Days of Summer
Signs
Zack & Miri Make A Porno
Kalifornia
Zombieland
2012
Shutter Island
Precious
The Dark Knight
The Invention of Lying
Sherlock Holmes
Avatar
It's Complicated
The Hurt Locker
The Dark Knight
Let The Right One In
The Fantastic Mr. Fox
Moon
The Lovely Bones
The Last Samurai
Kick Ass
Paper Heart
Did You Hear About The Morgans?
The Whole Nine Yards
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Mazes & Monsters
Risky Business
All The Right Moves
Master & Commander
Tron
The Martian Child
The Dark Crystal
Hellboy
Ghandi
Stir Crazy
Airplane!
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Reds
Cirque de Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
Every Which Way But Loose
The Informant!
Miller's Crossing
Up
The Blind Side
(500) Days Of Summer
The Secret of N.I.M.H.
Precious
An American Werewolf in Paris
Spirited Away
An American Werewolf In London
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs
Children Of The Corn
The Shining
Creepshow
Scarface
Everybody's Fine
The Serpent And The Rainbow
Couples Retreat
Army of Darkness
The Evil Dead 2
Interview With The Vampire
Temple Grandin
The Neverending Story
The Invention of Lying
'Salem's Lot (2004)
*batteries not included
The Evil Dead
Burn After Reading
Die Hard 4: Live Free or Die Hard
Doubt
Die Hard 3: With A Vengeance
Die Hard 2: Die Harder
Halloween II (2009)
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Snakes On A Plane
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Listening to: 'The Dragonhearth Podcast' - Tracy & Laura Hickman

Jackanory... XXXIV

2010-12-25T01:01:00.002-07:00

So who knew that the birth of your firstborn son, combined with selling your house, retiring from your job and moving your family from one continent to another wouldn't leave much time for reading?

Here's an ordinary list of what I have managed to read recently:

uncounted piles of 2000AD
more Judge Dredd Megazine's than you can shake a hottie at
The Bedwetter (by Sarah Silverman)
The Stand (by Stephen King)
The Wastelands (by Stephen King)
The Foot Book by Dr. Seuss
The Drawing of the Three (by Stephen King)
'Salem's Lot (by Stephen King)
The Gunslinger (by Stephen King)
The Road To The Dark Tower (by Bev Vincent)
2000AD: Prog 2000

As much as I would love to dive back into the worlds of Stephen King and Terry Pratchett, my dust hasn't really settled in my life enough yet to allow me to tackle any chunky doorstop novels. Instead I have scoured through my library and pulled out any and all anthology collections. When I do have a quiet moment to read it is much more satisfying to be able to pick up a short story, from a variety of different authors and genres, and read a complete tale.

Listening to: 'Dragonhearth Podcast' - Tracy & Laura Hickman

Blog-a-Prog

2010-12-22T18:13:00.001-07:00

I began reading 2000AD on the day before my 11th birthday in 1986. My Granddad Ted bought me my very first Prog and I was hooked immediately. Since that fateful day I have never missed a single Prog. As a teenager I would read, re-read, re-re-read, and then loan them out so that I could discuss and debate the finest of details (such as who would win in a fight between Joe Dredd and John Alpha?) with my pals.

This habit continued throughout my twenties; school came and went, jobs fell by the wayside, my life's goals were made and missed but 2000 AD remained as a constant friend and companion. The comic grew and matured as I did; and it had it's good times and it's bad times as I did myself.

And then, in the titular year 2000, I unexpectedly moved to the United States and didn't come home for a decade. This was problematic, I could not (I tried) fit 14 years worth of comics into my backpack. Neither could I afford the overseas subscription rates to have the Galaxy's Greatest Comic delivered to my far-away doorstep high in the Rocky Mountains of Wyoming.

But cancel my subscription? Never read 2000 AD again? Inconceivable! And so instead, I somehow convinced my parents into taking my entire collection into their care and adding to it each week. The Thrill-Suckage that I would be forced to endure not being able to relive past tales or keep abreast of new ones was dire indeed. But, at least, I could sleep at night knowing that my collection of the Galaxy's Greatest Comic was not only still intact, but it was growing, and waiting, like a thing of power.

Over the next few years, on holidays to the UK, or when my parents visited the USA, my comics began to trickle their way across the pond. True to my obsessive-compulsive nature I began to arrange these assorted Progs and Megazines, Specials and Annuals into reverse-chronological order and to re-read them yet again. It seemed I had not yet grown bored of re-reading the same tried and tested Thrills...

To cut a boring story shorter, by the tail-end of 2009 I had waded through this tremendous mountain of comics and finally reached the year 2000. I was a decade behind my fellow Squaxx, but I was finally reading new (new to me, anyway) material... and I had ten years of stockpiled new material ahead of me, yet to come.

If I thought that revisiting my old comics had been nostalgic and comforting, reading the new Thrills - even if I was a decade late - was an experience only someone as deeply invested in the hobby of comic-geekery as I, could appreciate. Tharg's warnings of Thrill-Power Overload are not to be taken lightly as my eyes boggled, my head throbbed, and my senses waned.

And, the end result?

Well, I've thought about this. I've written about it. Now, against my better judgement, I'm just going to do it. I'm not the first to have this idea, but, in the free spirit of the internets I am going to steal what seems to be a fantastically absurd idea from the talented Mr. Paul Rainey for my own version of the same thing: I am going to read and review each and every episode of 2000 AD.

Yep, that's right, the entire stack - and that's north of 1'700 progs and rising. I plan to begin with the monumental and historic Prog 2000, the ten-year old comic that was the first new material that I had read in a decade and work my way forward from that point, with a new review every Wednesday (when else?). At some point in the future, I intend to give the same treatment to the early years, but as my collection begins with Prog 505 I will need to scour the markets before that can happen.

Wish me luck and Splundig vur Thrigg

Listening to: 'God Fodder' - Ned's Atomic Dustbin

She Said She Said... CVII

2010-12-10T18:16:00.000-07:00

Rap music is the only vital form of music introduced since punk rock.

-Kurt Cobain, (1990)

Listening to: 'Gish' - Smashing Pumpkins

Imagine: God Knows... IV

2010-12-04T00:48:00.004-07:00

An Amazon review of God Knows:

VARYING PARADIGMS ALWAYS WORTH A LOOK!
If there's anything I've learned from life it is that my reality is not yours, though truth is truth. Buddhists subscribe to emptiness for this very reason; if we allow ourselves to be glued to ourselves, we will never see the world in any view but ours. We all have flawed paradigms, and until you comprehend all truth from a single platform, having all things before present and after in your sight, your paradigm will be incomplete. For this reason I find this book refreshing. I am a Christian in belief, practicing and believing also in Mormonism's roots, as well as much of what the torah, Buddhists and hindus believe. The book is refreshing in that it offers the views of a Christian and an Atheist (humanist) together in an honest discussion. Both believe themselves to be correct, and yet both believe that the Journey of discovery is vital. Reading their thoughts as they banter openly (the emails weren't originally meant for a book) makes them even more of an honest look. I believe its worth the time of any person to read the thoughts of others and this book is every bit of that, the open and honest thoughts of two men look and searching.

-E. Mead, Laramie, Wyoming

Listening to: 'Dragon Page Cover To Cover' - Far Point Media

She Said She Said... CVI

2010-12-03T19:09:00.001-07:00

I'd like to live off the band, but if not, I'll just retire to Mexico or Yugoslavia with a few hundred dollars, grow potatoes, and learn the history of rock through back issues of Creem magazine.

-Kurt Cobain, (1989)

Listening to: 'Gish' - Smashing Pumpkins

Future Shocks... XXXII

2010-12-01T17:11:00.000-07:00

I've had this mad idea on the back burner for a long time:

Project 2000 AD: I've really, really been rediscovering my love of all things 2000 AD recently and I would like to blog-by-prog (I think I may have stolen that phrase) in a Julie & Julia meets Tharg the Mighty, kind of fashion.

I would do this at the rate of 1 comic per week, every Wednesday of course, reading and reviewing (in a sometimes formal and sometimes rambling manner) a single Prog. This would, at the same time help me to complete my collection as I am forced to fill in the gaps as I go.

But, would anyone care, except me?

Does that matter?

Do I have the time? I'm reading them anyway, surely, if I enforce a reasonable word count, writing a short review shouldn't take that long...

Where should I start? At the beginning with Prog 1? Or with Prog 505, the first that I ever read? Maybe Prog 2000, the titular prog and the first new one that I have read in a decade?

How about a twice a week review? On Wednesdays, blog-by-prog beginning with Prog 2000 and on Saturdays beginning with Prog 1?

As I said, it is a mad idea...

Listening to: 'Achtung Baby' - U2

She Said She Said... CV

2010-11-26T17:36:00.001-07:00

The only good time to say I have diarrhea is during a game of Scrabble, because it's worth a shitload of points.

-Zach Galifianakis

Listening to: 'Mark Kermode & Simon Mayo's Film Reviews' - Radio 5 Live

Jackanory... XXXIII

2010-11-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

Nick Hornby is one of my favourite writers, and I think one of the most interesting authors working outside of the realms of fantasy and sci-fi today. For my money, his greatest novel to date is A Long Way Down.

High Fidelity (1995)
About A Boy (1998)
How To Be Good (2001)
A Long Way Down (2005)
Slam (2007)
Juliet, Naked (2009)

Hornby's non-fiction is just as worthy of your time,

Fever Pitch (1992)
31 Songs (2003)
The Polysyllabic Spree (2004)
Housekeeping Versus The Dirt (2006)
Shakespeare Wrote For Money (2008)

Hornby has written several short stories including Faith, Not A Star, Nipple Jesus and Otherwise Pandemonium. Faith, written in 1998, hasn't been collected into an anthology, at least as far as I can tell, and so it is harder to find. In addition to writing short fiction Nick Hornby has edited several collections (My Favourite Year: A Collection of Football Writing; The Picador Book of Sportswriting; Speaking With The Angel and Otherwise Pandemonium), but although the first two don't interest me at all given their subject matter, the latter two interest me greatly.

Speaking With The Angel was written as fundraising effort for a school in London that specializes in teaching children with severe autism, as Nick Hornby's own son does.

Listening to: 'The Future' - Leonard Cohen

She Said She Said... CIV

2010-11-19T17:39:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is Zach Galifianakis, and I hope I'm saying that right.

-Zach Galifianakis

Listening to: 'Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo's Film Reviews' - Radio 5 Live

She Said She Said... CIII

2010-11-12T17:05:00.000-07:00

There are many ways of seeing the world. You can hang upside down from a meteor, volunteer to be the fourth stage of a three-stage rocket, or simply get in a balloon and keep going. But if it's sheer, unadulterated discomfort you're looking for, just stay on land.

-Michael Palin, Around the World in Eighty Days

Listening to: 'Gish' - Smashing Pumpkins

She Said She Said... CII

2010-11-05T17:00:00.000-06:00

The use of the word 'just' by an Australian means that whatever it is you have to do, it will not be easy, as in 'Just pull that sword out of the stone' or 'Just split that atom'.

-Michael Palin, Full Circle

Listening to: 'Up To Here' - The Tragically Hip

She Said She Said... CI

2010-10-29T17:32:00.000-06:00

There is a man,
playing a violin,
and the strings,
are the nerves in his own arms.

-J. O'Barr, The Crow (1994)

Listening to: 'The Four Seasons' - Antonio Vivaldi

Jackanory... XXXII

2010-10-27T00:42:00.000-06:00

Nevermind Library. Version 2

d30 [1]
1-11: A-List
12-19: B-List
20-24: C-List
25-30: Misc

d10: A-List
1: Graphic Novel
2: Nick Hornby
3: Stephen King
4: George R. R. Martin
5: Terry Pratchett
6: Annie Proulx
7: JRR Tolkien
8: Warhammer Fantasy
9-10: Free Choice from this list

d6: B-List
1: Clive Barker
2: Terry Brooks
3: J. Robert King
4-6: Free Choice from this list

d100: C-List
1: Richard Adams
2: Ballantine Adult Fantasy Series
3: Robert Bloch
4: Blood Bowl
5: Dan Brown
6: L. Sprague de Camp
7: Orson Scott Card
8: Susan Cooper
9: Bernard Cornwell
10: Roald Dahl
11: George R. Dickson
12: Stephen Donaldson
13: Roddy Doyle
14: Duniverse
15: Harlan Ellison
16: Fighting Fantasy
17: Necromunda
18: Neil Gaiman
19: Thomas Harris
20: James Herbert
21: Mo Hayder
22: Robert Jordan
23: Tabitha King
24: Dean Koontz
25: Fritz Leiber
26: Lone Wolf
27: Magic: The Gathering
28: Richard Matheson
29: Ian McEwen
30: Michael Palin
31: Planet Stories
32: R.A. Salvatore
33: Sorcery
34: Michael Stackpole
35: Peter Straub
36: Warhammer 40'000
37: Weis & Hickman
38: White Wolf
39: Tad Williams
40: Roger Zelazny
41-100: Free Choice from this list

d20: Misc
1: Anthologies
2: Any Other (As yet unlisted)
3: AudioPodioBooks
4: Biographies/Autobiographies
5: British History
6: Classics
7: D&D
8: Free Choice (Choice dice results)
9: Philosophy/Religion
10: Recommendation (Donna, Friend, Family)
11: Retired [2] (Susanna Clarke, Dark Sun, Stephen Grace, Stephanie Meyer, JK Rowling)
12: Roll Twice (Choosing preferred result)
13: Non-fiction
14: United States History
15-20: Free Choice from this list

d20: D&D
1: Bastion Press
2: Birthright
3: Dragonlance
4: Dungeons & Dragons
5: Eberron
6: Forgotten Realms
7: Greyhawk
8: Planescape
9: Ravenloft
10: Malhavoc Press
11: Mystara
12: Rulebooks/Supplements
13-20: Free Choice from this list

d6: Rulebooks/Supplements
1: Original Dungeons & Dragons
2: International
3: Advanced Dungeons & Dragons
4: Dungeons & Dragons Third Edition
5: Third Party Publishers
6: Free Choice from this list

d6: Original Dungeons & Dragons
1: D&D
2: Hollow World
3: Gazetteer
4: Creature Crucible
5-6: Free Choice from this list

d6: International
1: French
2: UK
3: German
4: Japanese
5: Italian
6: Hebrew
7-8: Free Choice from this list

d20: Advanced Dungeons & Dragons
1: Advanced Dungeons & Dragons
2: Al-Quadim
3: Birthright
4: Conan
5: Dark Sun
6: Dragonlance
7: Dragonlance Fifth Age
8: Forgotten Realms
9: Greyhawk Adventures
10: Lankhmar
11: Monstrous Arcana
12: Mystara
13: Odyssey
14: Oriental Adventures
15: Planescape
16: Ravenloft
17: Red Steel
18: Spelljammer
19: Tomes
20: Free Choice from this list

d12: Dungeons & Dragons Third Edition
1: d20 System
2: Chainmail
3: Dragonlance
4: Dungeons & Dragons
5: Eberron
6: Forgotten Realms
7: Kingdom of Kalamar
8: Oriental Adventures
9: Ravenloft
10: Warcraft
11-12: Free Choice from this list

d100: Third Party Publishers
1: 3am Games
2: Adamant Entertainment
3: Admantium Games
4: Air Weaver Games
5: Alderac Entertainment Group
6: Archangel Studios
7: Atlas Games
8: Auran Games
9: Avalanche Press
10: Badaxe Games
11: Bard’s Productions
12: Bastion Press
13: Behemoth 3
14: Blue Devil Games
15: Boneman Press
16: Bottle Imp Games
17: The Cabil
18: Chaosium Games
19: Citizen Games
20: Cloud Kingdom Games
21: Columbia Games
22: Comstar Games
23: Corsair Publishing
24: Cutters Guild Games
25: Dark Nebulae
26: Dark Portal Games
27: Darkfuries Publishing
28: Darkquest Games
29: E.N. Publishing
30: Eden Studios
31: Elmore Productions
32: Expeditious Retreat Press
33: Fantasy Flight Games
34: Fast Foward Entertainment
35: Fiery Dragon Productions
36: Gaslight Press
37: Gold Rush Games
38: Goodman Games
39: Grey Ghost Games
40: Green Ronin Publishing
41: Guardians of Order
42: Guildhouse Games
43: Hammerdog Games
44: Hekaforge Productions
45: Holistic Design
46: Humanhead Studios
47: Inner Circle
48: Living Imagination
49: Malhavoc Press
50: Mayfair
51: Mongoose Publishing
52: Monkey God Enterprises
53: Morrigan Press
54: Myriador Ltd
55: Mystic Eye Games
56: Necromancer Games
57: Nightshift Games
58: OtherWorld Creations
59: Paizo
60: Paradigm Concepts
61: Perpetrated Press
62: Pinnacle Entertainment Group
63: Pinwheel Games
64: Privateer Press
65: Quicklink Interactive
66: Reaper Miniatures
67: Red Spire Press
68: Ronin Arts
69: RPG Object
70: Scarab Games
71: Sean K. Reynolds
72: Second World Simulations
73: Silverthorne Games
74: Skeleton Key Games
75: Skirmisher Publishing
76: Sovereign Press
77: Spellbinder Games
78: Steve Jackson Games
79: Sword & Sorcery Studios
80: Thunderhead Games
81: Troll Lord Games
82: Twin Rose Software
83: Ubicorm IAC Game Company
84: United Playtest
85: Valar Project, Inc.
86: Vengeance Games
87: Viking Games
88: White Silver Publishing
89: Wicked Press
90: Wingnut Games
91: Wizards of the Coast
92: Wolfgang Baur
93: Wyverns Claw Design
94: Oone Roleplaying Games
95-100: Free Choice from this list

[1] If a catalogue is completed you earn three free free choices.
[2] Items are retired once I have read the complete catalogue. If retired is rolled, cherry pick the catalogues and read any new entries.

Listening to: 'Geek Syndicate' - Geek Syndicate

Future Shocks... XXXI

2010-10-24T13:28:00.000-06:00

Oh Tharg, is there no limit to your genorosity? Not only do you give us Wagner and Ezquerra, Grant and Ranson, Mills and Gallagher, but now you offer us another marriage of talent born of your Mighty Organ: Worley and Davis-Hunt! The Age of the Wolf has been quite simply staggering. The greatest new strip to appear since The Grievous Journey of Ichabod Azrael (and that was zarjaz beyond all expectations).

Age of the Wolf's art is the best we've seen yet from Jon Davis-Hunt. It demonstrates a great research with it's rich details of London, lovingly rewards fans of the werewolf genre with some subtlely effective easter eggs (my favourite being the werewolves at the bottom of the escalator's in the Tube), and effortless storytelling and frightful imagery (Rowan's demise and rise in the final two parts were nothing less than bloody and beautiful). Oh, Jon has delivered the best cover art since 1700 too!

But no strip can survive on it's art alone, and Alec Worley's script was just brilliant (and for the record, Worley's recent Future Shock 'Lost Property' has become my all-time favourite one shot strip in the history of all comics). Age of the Wolf was paced down to the white knuckle, it presented the very best 2000AD has always offered and must surely be remembered as a modern classic. Cinematic, fast-paced anarchic and magickal and at the same time challenging traditional conventions with strong female characters. This was a feature-length debut by Alec that promises great things in the future.

Rowan Morrigun: She is Legend indeed!

Listening to: 'My Toot Toot' - Rockin' Sidney

She Said She Said... C

2010-10-23T17:32:00.000-06:00

"The kernel of what was wrong with the movie is the fact that, instead of telling Sly Stallone, 'You're being paid nine million dollars for this, Sly! Act the part of Judge Dredd!' - Sly said, 'I'm being paid nine million dollars for this - write Judge Dredd to fit my pre-existing character.' "

-Alan Grant, Interview by Andy Diggle for Fusion

Listening to: 'The Four Seasons' - Antonio Vivaldi

Quitters, Inc... XIII

2010-10-20T13:20:00.002-06:00

One thousand and six hundred days with a cigarette, if I do say so myself!

Listening to: 'The Beatles' -BBC 6 Music

She Said She Said... XCIX

2010-10-15T17:31:00.000-06:00

It's better to fade away like an old soldier than to burn out. I don't appreciate worship of dead Sid Vicious or of dead James Dean or of dead John Wayne. It's the same thing. Making Sid Vicious a hero, Jim Morrison — it's garbage to me. I worship the people who survive. Gloria Swanson, Greta Garbo.

-John Lennon

Listening to: 'The Beatles' - BBC 6 Music

She Said She Said... XCVIII

2010-10-08T17:30:00.000-06:00

Another nice thing about the Jews is that their rabbis don't make a habit of sexually violating their youngest and most vulnerable congregants. Of course, there are obvious reasons for this. For one thing, Jewish clergy are allowed to fuck and masturbate and marry. The first two of these activities work amazingly well for relieving sexual tension. Oh, also, Jewish clergy are allowed to have vaginas. As a general rule for any large organization, if you're looking to reduce the rape-iness of it, try hiring more women.

-Sarah Silverman, The Bedwetter (2010)

Listening to: 'Sometime In New York' - John Lennon

The Day Today... LVIII

2010-10-07T09:35:00.000-06:00

I have been mostly listening to Tony Vivaldi, and now he has a new single coming out! I couldn't be more excited!

Listening to: 'Through The Night' - BBC Radio 3

She Said She Said... XCVII

2010-10-01T15:41:00.000-06:00

"You see, you could never do a sketch like that these days. The audience is too uninformed. I blame the Americans. Nation of obese, violent, pig-ignorant, bible-thumping morons contaminating world culture. That’s why I spend most of my time here in France... Beautiful, isn’t it? Just look at those olive trees."

- John Cleese

Listening to: 'A Little South of Sanity' - Aerosmith

She Said She Said... XCVI

2010-09-24T17:28:00.000-06:00

Attaching electrical suckers to the teats of ewes is not as easy as you might think. It would be easier to pierce Mike Tyson's nipples against his will.

- Stephen Fry, In America

Listening to: 'Ringo Starr And His All-Starr Band' - Ringo Starr

She Said She Said... XCV

2010-09-17T16:27:00.000-06:00

America, as has been widely reported, is in danger of turning the parts of itself that aren't protected as wilderness or park into strip-mall hell. Hundreds and hundreds, probably thousands of miles of Comfort Inn, Days Inn, Holiday Inn, Red Lobster Olive Garden, Denny's, KFC, Arby's, McDonalds, Burger King, Starbucks, Foot Locker, Ross ("Dress For Less"), CVC and Walgreen Pharmacies, et cetera. All strung along the highways, all only accessible by car, all unattractive, all resolutely and horribly the same. The town centres from which these strips radiate are often dead by seven in the evening or have degenerated into ghettos of the poor, the drug-dependent and the gang-afflilated.

-Stephen Fry, In America

Listening to: 'Attack of the Killer B's' - Anthrax

She Said She Said... XCIV

2010-09-10T18:27:00.001-06:00

Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video-game high score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality. Not to be negative.

- Sarah Silverman, The Bedwetter (2010)

Listening to: 'Y Not' - Ringo Starr

She Said She Said... XCIII

2010-09-03T16:57:00.001-06:00

In a 2002 interview with Blender, David Bowie was asked: "You once said that saying you were bisexual was “the biggest mistake I ever made.” Do you still believe that?"

His response: "Interesting. [Long pause] I don’t think it was a mistake in Europe, but it was a lot tougher in America. I had no problem with people knowing I was bisexual. But I had no inclination to hold any banners or be a representative of any group of people. I knew what I wanted to be, which was a songwriter and a performer, and I felt that [bisexuality] became my headline over here for so long. America is a very puritanical place, and I think it stood in the way of so much I wanted to do."

Listening to: 'Swing When You're Winning' - Robbie Williams

She Said She Said... XCII

2010-08-27T17:25:00.000-06:00

I wish they made porn starring people whom I do actually respect. It might be cool to have watched Eunice Kennedy, who started the Special Olympics, have sex with one of those Doctors Without Borders guys - they're so amazing.

-Sarah Silverman, The Bedwetter (2010)

Listening to: 'Good Evening New York City' - Paul McCartney

She Said She Said... XCI

2010-08-20T04:04:00.000-06:00

Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

- Jesus (Matthew 10:34)

Listening to: 'Episode #49' - Dragon's Landing Inn

Flix... VI

2010-08-17T08:58:00.001-06:00

It was Donna that first sat me down in front of The Full Monty.

I'm not quite sure why it took me such a long time to get around to watching this film. If you lived in Lincolnshire in 1997, trust me, you knew all about this film. There wasn't a pub in Lincolnshire or Yorkshire that didn't get together it's own Full Monty Night to raise money for a worthy local charity.

I knew I would enjoy it, but I wasn't quite prepared for how much I would enjoy it.

I don't give many films a Perfect Rating but The Full Monty earns it. It is original and fresh and without easy comparisons - and that is something that doesn't happen very often, and especially with comedy films.

The Full Monty also delivers an important message on the dignity of work, the pressures of family, and provides a respectful commentary on life in Yorkshire, England during the 1980's.

Listening to: 'Bongo Fury' - Frank Zappa

She Said She Said... XC

2010-08-13T05:06:00.001-06:00

But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.

-Jesus (Luke 19:27)

Listening to: 'Episode #44' - Dragon's Landing Inn

She Said She Said... LXXXIX

2010-08-06T03:13:00.000-06:00

And I will kill her children with death.

-Jesus (Rev 2:23)

Listening to: 'Bram Stoker's Dracula. Orginal Movie Soundtrack' - Wojciech Kilar

She Said She Said... LXXXVIII

2010-07-30T10:08:00.000-06:00

When the preamble declares, that coercion is a departure from the plan of the holy author of our religion, an amendment was proposed by inserting "Jesus Christ," so that it would read "A departure from the plan of Jesus Christ, the holy author of our religion;" the insertion was rejected by the great majority, in proof that they meant to comprehend, within the mantle of its protection, the Jew and the Gentile, the Christian and Mohammedan, the Hindoo and Infidel of every denomination.

- Thomas Jefferson, Autobiography, in reference to the Virginia Act for Religious Freedom

Listening to: 'Best of Chris Moyles' - BBC Radio

She Said She Said... LXXXVII

2010-07-23T11:41:00.000-06:00

What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must from time to time be refreshed with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.

- Thomas Jefferson, Letter to William Smith, November 13, 1787

Listening to: 'Band on the Run' - Paul McCartney

She Said She Said... LXXXVI

2010-07-16T09:15:00.001-06:00

The whole history of these books [the Gospels] is so defective and doubtful that it seems vain to attempt minute enquiry into it: and such tricks have been played with their text, and with the texts of other books relating to them, that we have a right, from that cause, to entertain much doubt what parts of them are genuine. In the New Testament there is internal evidence that parts of it have proceeded from an extraordinary man; and that other parts are of the fabric of very inferior minds. It is as easy to separate those parts, as to pick out diamonds from dunghills.

-Thomas Jefferson, letter to John Adams, January 24, 1814

Listening to: 'Dissecting Worlds' - Geek Syndicate

She Said She Said... LXXXV

2010-07-09T03:38:00.000-06:00

Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law.

- Thomas Jefferson, letter to Dr. Thomas Cooper, February 10, 1814

Listening to: 'Ten New Songs' - Leonard Cohen

The Day Today... LVII

2010-07-07T04:13:00.000-06:00

On this day in 1940, with German forces occupying the Channel Islands, Ringo Starr was born in Liverpool, England.

Happy Birthday, Ringo!

Listening to: 'Hell's Ditch' - The Pogues

She Said She Said... LXXXIV

2010-07-02T01:32:00.000-06:00

When I do good, I feel good, when I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.

-Abraham Lincoln, 15th US President [1861-1865].
(From Henry O. Dormann, compiler, The Speaker's Book of Quotations, New York Ballantine Books, 1987, p.127)

Listening to: 'Generation Terrorists' - Manic Street Preachers

She Said She Said... LXXXIII

2010-06-25T17:18:00.000-06:00

The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.

- George Washington, The Treaty of Tripoli, 1796

Listening to: 'Live At Jazz Fest 2007' - Hot 8 Brass Band

The Day Today... LVI

2010-06-18T05:08:00.000-06:00

On this day in 1942, a week after Anne Frank celebrated her 13th birthday, Paul McCartney was born in Liverpool, England.

Happy Birthday Paul.

Listening to: 'Flaming Pie' - Paul McCartney

She Said She Said... LXXXII

2010-06-11T17:17:00.000-06:00

21:18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:

21:19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;

21:20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.

21:21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die...

-The Bible, Book of Deuteronomy

Listening to: 'Red Rose Speedway' - Paul McCartney

She Said She Said... LXXXI

2010-06-11T08:34:00.000-06:00

Whoever wants to be a Christian must be intent on silencing the voice of reason.

- Martin Luther (Sermons on the Gospel of St. John, Luther's Works, V. 23, p.99)

Listening to: 'Geek Syndicate' - Geek Syndicate

She Said She Said... LXXX

2010-06-04T01:40:00.000-06:00

You will next read the new testament. It is the history of a person named Jesus.

Keep in [mind] the opposite pretensions (i) of those who say he was begotten by god, born of a virgin, suspended & reversed the laws of nature at will, & ascended bodily into heaven: and (ii) of those who say he was a man of illegitimate birth, of a benevolent heart, enthusiastic mind, who set out without pretensions to divinity, ended in believing them, & was Punished capitally for sedition by being gibbeted according to the Roman law...

Do not be frightened from this inquiry by any fear of it's consequences. If it ends in a belief that there is no god, you will find incitements to virtue in the comfort & pleasantness... and the love of others which it will procure you.

If you find reason to believe there is a god, a consciousness that you are acting under his eye, & that he approves you, will be a vast additional incitement...if that Jesus was also a god, you will be comforted by a belief of his aid and love.

In fine, I repeat that you must lay aside all prejudice on both sides, & neither believe nor reject anything because any other persons, or description of persons have rejected or believed it. Your own reason is the only oracle given you... and you are answerable not for the rightness but uprightness of the decision.

-Thomas Jefferson, Letter to Peter Carr, August 10, 1787. Published in The Works of Thomas Jefferson in Twelve Volumes, Federal Edition, Paul Leicester Ford, ed., New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1904, Vol. 5, pp. 324–327.

Listening to: 'No Respect' - Vain

Anarchy in the UK... LX

2010-06-03T07:11:00.000-06:00

England at a Glance:

Population: 49,138,831; 23,922,144 male and 25,216,687 feamle (2001 census)
Area: 50, 363 sq. miles
Highest point: Scafell Pike 3,210 ft.
Lowest point on land: Holme Fen, Cambridgeshire 9 ft. below sea level
Coastline: 2,000 miles
Furthest place from the sea: Coton in the Elms, Derbyshire - 72 miles
Largest lake: Lake Windermere, Cumbria - 6 sq. miles
Geographic centre: Meridan in Warwickshire (or Fenny Drayton in Leicestershire if you take into account the UK's small islands.
Highest recorded temperature: 38.5 C on 10 August 2003 in Kent
Lowest recorded temperature: -26.1 C on 10 January 1982 in Shropshire
Principal crops: Wheat, barley, potatoes, sugar beat, oilseed rape
Natural resources: Coal, petroleum, natural gas, tin, limestone, iron ore, salt, clay, chalk, gypsum, lead, silica
Literacy: 99%
Mobile phone ownership: 81% of over 15's
Home internet access: 56%
National motto: 'Dieu et mon driot' ('God and my right')
Coat of arms: Three Lions
Urban population: 89%
Life expectancy: Men 75.3 years, woman 80.1 years
Number of times the average citizen in captured on CCTV each day: 300 (600 in central London)
Percentage who identified themselves in 2003 as 'English' or 'More English than British': 36% (up from 26% in 1997, Source IPPR)

Listening to: 'Rubber Soul' - The Beatles

She Said She Said... LXXIX

2010-05-28T17:13:00.000-06:00

We are a people of different faiths, but we are one. Which faith conquers the other is not the question; rather, the question is whether Christianity stands or falls...

We tolerate no one in our ranks who attacks the ideas of Christianity ... our movement is Christian. We are filled with a desire for Catholics and Protestants to discover one another in the deep distress of our own people.

-Adolf Hitler, speech in Passau, 27 October 1928, Bundesarchiv Berlin-Zehlendorf

Listening to: 'There Goes Rhymin' Simon' - Paul Simon

The Secret Diary of Ian Hewitt. Aged 34 1/4... IV

2010-05-23T12:07:00.002-06:00

When speaking of his house-husband period, John Lennon also said, "Yes I'm a housewife. I also have a nanny, an assistant, a cook and a cleaner."

I know what he meant...

Listening to: 'Good Evening New York City' - Paul McCartney

She Said She Said... LXXVIII

2010-05-21T13:11:00.000-06:00

Principle is OK up to a certain point, but principles don't do you any good if you lose.

-Dick Cheney, during the 1976 Presidential campaign

Listening to: 'Venus And Mars' - Wings

The Secret Diary of Ian Hewitt. Aged 34 1/4... III

2010-05-15T16:25:00.000-06:00

Dear Teddy Boy,

One of these days, I have no doubt, you'll ask me why we're not living in America. I'm fairly certain that by the time you're old enough to notice, the romance and general glossy sheen of the USA makes it look much cooler and more exciting than yellow-bellied Lincolnshire.

(I'm also pretty sure, that somewhere in an alternate reality, is an all-American version of Eddie Jay Hewitt complaining that Laramie, Wyoming is so boring and how come we don't live in England, it is so much cooler?)

There are a great many reasons why we don't live in America, many of which I don't even understand myself. America is a great country - don't let me tell you otherwise, and it has been really, really good to me. But there is one reason why, that is bigger than any of the others.

I'll try and explain.

Today, as I type this (in Laramie, Wyoming, in a house that is not even halfway packed yet), I am grieving your Great-Granny. Her funeral was today in England, and we were not there. You'll probably not remember, you're only two months old, but that was why I broke down in floods of tears for no apparent reason today as I was feeding you.

Even as I celebrate Granny's life and her legacy - of which you, my son, are only the most recent addition - I mourn her passing. I am sad that I will not be able to add to the memories of my beautiful Granny. I am glad that I was able to spend so much time with her as a child when I was growing up, and, I'll be honest, I regret that I didn't spend more time getting to know my Granny as an adult. And that goes for all of my Grand-parents, more so than ever, now that they are each gone.

I want you to have those same memories of your Grandparents. I want you to know them, to have a relationship with them, and not just to know who they are. We can't do that from so very far away.

And that is why we're not living in America.

-Your old man

Listening to: 'The Destroyed Room: B-Sides & Rarities' - Sonic Youth

She Said She Said... LXXVII

2010-05-14T16:12:00.000-06:00

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."- President George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., August 5, 2004

Listening to: 'Long Cold Winter' - Cinderella

The Secret Diary of Ian Hewitt. Aged 34 1/4... II

2010-05-09T18:48:00.000-06:00

When he was asked in 1980 why he appeared to be living as a recluse and not writing or recording, John Lennon replied, "I've been baking bread. And looking after the baby. Bread and babies, as every housewife knows, is a full-time job. There ain't no space for any other projects."

No one has asked me why I've stopped writing, on the blog and elsewhere, but if they did, I'd tell them I've been baking bread.

(I haven't, of course, but the bread maker is broken).

Listening to: 'Into The Sun' - Sean Lennon

She Said She Said... LXXVI

2010-05-07T05:24:00.000-06:00

I can't understand how all this can have happened, it's enough to make one lose one's faith in God.

-Eva Braun (during the last days with Hitler)

Listening to: 'From The Muddy Banks of the Wishkah' - Nirvana

The Secret Diary of Ian Hewitt. Aged 34 1/4

2010-05-05T21:49:00.000-06:00

The last time that I saw Granny was a bitter sweet visit. When we left, I knew that I was returning to the United States, to my home away from home, in a very foreign country. I said to my Granny, "I'll see you next time" because it was easier for me than saying goodbye.

She replied, "Are you crazy? You'd better be coming back very soon!"

I guess I didn't make it home in time, after all.

Today my Granny died.

I am sorry that she never got to meet her latest Great-Grandson, and I'm sorry that my son will never know his Great-Granny. She was a great woman.

Listening to: 'Badmotorfinger' - Soundgarden

She Said She Said... LXXV

2010-04-30T17:06:00.000-06:00

"There is clearly a sacred dimension to our existence, and coming to terms with it could well be the highest purpose of human life.... Spirituality can be—indeed, must be—deeply rational."

-Sam Harris, The End of Faith

Listening to: 'Y Not' - Ringo Starr

She Said She Said... LXXIV

2010-04-23T16:04:00.000-06:00

Only 28 percent of Americans believe in evolution; 68 percent believe in Satan.

-Sam Harris, The Politics of Ignorance, (2005)

Listening to: 'Relapse' - Eminem

Flix... II

2010-04-20T13:41:00.001-06:00

How do I decide what makes my Perfect Film?

I find it impossible to watch a film without then rushing off to the Internet Movie Database and scoring it out of 10. I enjoy critiquing a film and considering it's value, whether it be thought-provoking or simply entertaining.

You can view my entire voting history here (currently 484 films), and I invite you to argue with me and tell me where I'm wrong. There's not much I like to do more than talk movies...

1/10 is simply the worst kind of movie imaginable. There are no redemming features to these pieces of rubbish. You cannot say, well, the special effects were good, or so-and-so's performance was interesting. They are dire inexcusable assaults upon our eyes and our imaginations.

Examples: (1) The Core; (2) The Fast And The Furious; (3) Independance Day.

2/10 are terrible, awful dire pieces of non-entertainment. Mildly better than the above but still atrocious in almost every way.

Examples: (1) Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy; (2) Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure; (3) Halloween III: Season of the Witch.

3/10 movies are a little better, but not by much.

Examples: (1) Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter; (2) Rambo First Blood: Part Two; (3) The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

4/10 are the least terrible of the films that I didn't like, but I'll still never recommend them. Maybe they just weren't made for me, but I think it is more likely that they are just bad. Not "so bad, it is good" either, just bad.

Examples: (1) Across the Universe; (2) I Heart Huckabees (3) The Magic Sword.

5/10 is a tricky score. These are not quite guilty pleasures, but they do have some redeeming features. Don't get me wrong, I don't recommend these films they are each bad, but they're not all bad. I enjoyed them despite their flaws.

Examples: (1) Casino Royale; (2) Friday the 13th; (3) Tropic Thunder.

6/10 is a score reserved for guilty pleasures. I recognise that these films are bad and difficult to recommend to anyone else, but they manage to entertain nonetheless. The "so bad it was good" category that people find so appealing.

Examples: (1) Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs; (2) Flags of Our Fathers; (3) I Am Legend.

7/10 is the top of the bell curve. A good film. A solid film that delivers exactly what it says on the tin, very enjoyable movie - but no more.

Examples: (1) Live Free Or Die Hard; (2) Sherlock Holmes; (3) Star Trek: First Contact

8/10 films surprised me somehow. They may not be original pieces of work, indeed they are likely to be derivative, but they do what they do very well and elevate themselves from the rest of the pack.

Examples: (1) Paranormal Activity; (2) Star Trek; (3) Teeth

9/10 films are just about as good as they get. A hair below a Perfect Film, indeed many of these films were once rated as Perfect but grew a little tired on repeated views.

Examples: (1) (500) Days of Summer; (2) Casino; (3) The Pink Panther.

10/10 is quite simply Perfect. It doesn't matter if I watched this yesterday or even just this morning, I'd be happy to put it right back on. Groundbreaking, never before seen works of cinema art.

A Perfect Film is any film that I give a ten out of ten, and you can view the living list at the bottom of this page.

Listening to: 'Stop And Smell The Roses' - Ringo Starr

She Said She Said... LXXIII

2010-04-16T17:03:00.000-06:00

Nothing is more sacred than the facts.

-Sam Harris, End of Faith

Listening to: 'Symphony No. 40' - Wolfgang Mozart

She Said She Said... LXXII

2010-04-09T16:38:00.000-06:00

There is clearly a sacred dimension to our existence, and coming to terms with it could well be the highest purpose of human life.

-Sam Harris, The End of Faith: Religion, Terror, and the Future of Reason

Listening to: 'Gish' - Smashing Pumpkins

She Said She Said... LXXI

2010-04-02T01:00:00.000-06:00

"What are the chances that our nobel laureates in chemistry and physiology are raping kids with the frequency of catholic priests? So I submit to you that when our scientists and our athiest organizations start practising suicide bombing and honour killing; when we start massing by the tens of thousands calling for the deaths of newspaper editors in response to cartoons, then we can start discussing how atheism erodes the moral fibre of our society."

-Sam Harris

Listening to: 'Tribute to the Music of Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys' - Asleep At The Wheel